My Thoughts on the Green Lantern Movie Trailer

This looks awful! The end.

What? I need to write more? Fine, it looks really awful, is that better?

No?

Alright, well this youtube video is from 2011’s Wondercon and it shows off some of the more flasher aspects of the Green Lantern movie. I‘m a huge fan of Green Lantern, because who wouldn’t like to see the bad guys get stopped by a giant green pair of floating scissors? While I think the rapper Common would make a better John Stewart than Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan, I really have no room to complain about which Green Lantern is in the 1st movie because Hal Jordan is obviously Earth’s first Green Lantern. What I can complain about is the over use of CGI. The alien worlds do not look appealing and I fear that the movie might fall into the same trap G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra fell into with its big crazy effects, but little to no plot. Will I go see the movie? Of course, but I have no expectations that this will be a good movie. Have a look for yourself and decided if I’m right or wrong.

Getting Better by Being Worse: The Legend of Chun Li

Well this weekend I finally got to see Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li and I have to say I was a little disappointed. I knew from the previews and the short stay in theaters that this movie was a flop, but I thought it was going to be one of those, “It’s so bad it’s good” movies. Unfortunately, the movie just stays at “It’s so bad.”

First off, the movie tries really hard to be the next action adventure, romance, drama movie of epic proportions, but instead it falls flat on its face without capturing the essence of any of the aforementioned genres. I feel that the jack of all trades master of none approach to winning over the audience was a big reason why this movie did so poorly. I wish I could say that was the only reason for this movie being so terrible, but that’s not the case. The movie suffers from uneven pacing, poor characterization, lame effects, bad uses of flash backs, and a forced lesbian dance scene that looked more like the chicken dance then a raunchy attempt to keep teenage boys captivated. The list goes on, but I don’t have time to pick apart every reason why this movie was an epic fail.

So if the movie was so bad, why didn’t it become good? To borrow some insight from 30 Rock, the Chun Li movie didn’t climb down into the crevasse. For those of you who don’t watch the show, Jack Donaghy, one of the main characters, tries to advise his star employee about getting out of a difficult situation. He says:

"Some times the way back up is down. Let me tell you a story. It’s 1994 and I went ice climbing and I fell into a crevasse. I hurt my leg and I couldn’t climb back up. So fighting every natural instinct, doing what seemed most awful to me I climbed down--into the darkness and that’s how I got out."

The moral of that story is sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do in order to achieve our goals. If we follow this metaphor, the Chun Li movie tried to climb out of the crevasse by trying to appeal to everyone. Instead, it should have climbed deeper into the crevasse and focused on the niche market of nerds who already like the Street Fighter series.

Here are 4 ways the movie could have climbed deeper into the crevasse.

1. Special moves-The movie only featured three of Street Fighter’s recognizable special moves. When I think of Chun Li I automatically think of her rapid kicking ability, yet for some reason her signature kick didn’t make the cut. If they really wanted to push this movie past the bad and into the good zone they should have had a lot of crazy over the top special attacks. Example: Have Bison, the movies antagonist, flying around the screen surrounded in a rainbow colored aura or have him leaping into the and stomping on people’s heads....hilarious, right?
2. Music-There was no Street Fighter music in the entire movie. Would it have been so hard to update a few of the 16-bit songs? At the very least Chun Li’s stage music should have been incorporated somehow. Even if the director was completely lazy he should have thrown the original game music somewhere in the movie.
3. Plot-Because the movie tried to be so many things to so many people the plot was very watered down. Considering the ridiculous storylines that come from the fabled fighter, I think the writers could have picked a more interesting plot or embellished the one they were already using. I don’t know Chun Li’s complete story off hand, but let me share Cammy’s story as an example of where the movie could have gone. Bison clones himself, but the clone (Cammy), unaware of her origin escapes his clutches and eventually seeks out Bison for the soul purpose of killing him. When she confronts him, she feels oddly attracted to him and then proceeds to pummel him to death. Crazy I know, but a story line like that could have made the movie a winning loser.
4. Fans-The biggest thing they could have done was cater to the fans. It was very off putting to see characters not look or act the way they are depicted in the video games. Bison, for instance, was portrayed as a less than menacing blond blue eyed CEO. If you’re going to make a movie about something that already has an established fan base, you should maybe consider not alienating them in hopes of getting money from the casual movie goer.

I know it doesn't look like one, but this post was suppose to be a review. Let me just wrap things up by saying this movie was bad, don’t waste your time with it. If you want to watch a Street Fighter movie go watch the 1994 version. At least it was entertaining even if it wasn't good. I’m giving Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li 1 spinning bird kick out of 5

(1 out 5, that’s a first for Nerd Synthesis history. Congratulations Legend of Chun Li you suck)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Review

Oh G.I. Joe, how do I feel about your movie? I think the word that sums this summer blockbuster up is meh. I can understand why all those big movie reviewers (who get paid to do this stuff) gave this movie such a low score. The acting is bearable, the music wasn’t noticeable, and the visuals were just something else and based on those criteria it deserves the D rating that it got from so many of my peers. But I actually like bad movies...I’m talking to you Dead or Alive and Doom, so what’s my take on G.I. Joe you ask?

Acting/Writing

Like any good (or bad as it may be) B movie the acting must be terrible or the dialogue must make you cringe because you know that no one in real life would actually say that. In G.I. Joe’s case the acting wasn’t good enough to merit praise, but it wasn’t bad enough to warrant laughs. Clearly it’s not the actors fault for having terrible lines, but I’ve seen clichéd lines pulled off very well...in cartoon; so I don’t see why movie stars who make a living of this sort of thing can’t do it too. In regards to the writers, they obviously wrote this movie more for the general public and less for the G.I. Joe fans, probably because they thought they had a chance of actually making a hit (laughter in the distance). I think if they had stuck more to the G.I. Joe mythology the movie would have popped a little bit more and maybe would have gotten a big cult following by the fan boys; instead, the movie was a wash because of its blasé attempt to appeal to everyone.

Special Effects

Ok I’ll admit that the special effects are what saved this movie for me. I get very bored very quickly and the fact that I only checked my watch twice during the movie is a testament to how visually crazy and appealing the movie was to my senses. I will say that in two years when the graphic technology advances, this movie will look like a flashy steaming pile of poo. I would say that 87% of the scenes in this movie seemed to have computer generated backdrops and 100% of the scenes had some kind of glowing very not real looking gizmo in it.

Final Thoughts

If you’re a fan of G.I. Joe you have to see this movie, but I have to recommend you wait till it makes its way to the cheap theater where people shout at the screen and have loud conversations on their cell phone, but its a $1.75 so why complain. You can also wait till it comes out on DVD and rent if for a dollar at a redbox and if you’re really not that into G.I. Joe wait for it to play on TBS. Now you know and knowing is half the battle.

I’m giving G.I. Joe 2 YO JOES!!! out of 5

Oh wait, did I forget to mention the ninjas? Well they weren’t that special, but if you combine them with the warm fuzzy childhood memories of me playing with my cousins G.I. Joe action figures I’m going to have to bump this movie up a notch.

3 stealthy ninja throwing stars out of 5

The new score is a 3 out of 5 for those of you not paying attention

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Review

So I saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine a while back and I never got around to telling you, the public, how I felt about it. Well the wait is over and I can honestly say I enjoyed the movie. Yes, yes I liked the movie, but not for the reasons you might think. I classify Wolverines movie as so bad it’s good so let me break down my reasoning for you. From a nerd point of view, I’m appalled by the creator’s blatant disregard for Wolverines actual origin story. They got some aspect of his past correct, but then they started making things up left and right i.e. Gambit and the Blob. From your average movie goer’s perspective I must say that it was still pretty bad. The CGI looked terrible, there were some inconsistencies in the movie, and while the acting was good from our friend Hugh Jackman some of his supporting characters left more to be desired.



I would love to go on a crazy nerd rant on how Emma Frost looked Bedazzled and how she wasn’t a psychic or how Deadpool’s origin was sooooooo wrong i got a little angry or the fact the Gambit was a plot device that could have been filled by anyone, but I wont. I won't talk about how the creators made an illusion to Wolverine being a werewolf or how every scene that Hugh Jackman is in he either has his shirt off or his claws out. (Seriously, he could have asked an old lady where the bus stop was in that movie and he would have pulled out his claws and figured out a way to tear off his shirt and pose dramatically for at least 3 seconds) But with all that nonsense said (or not said) it all mixed well into an enjoyable experience. It felt like they tried hard to make this movie serious and dramatic, but it came off clichéd and overdone. I think I was the only one laughing in that theater, but who cares I can honestly say I got my moneys worth (thank you student discount)

I’m giving X-Men Origins: Wolverine 3 claws out of 5

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Obviously I’ve been living under a rock if I am now getting around to watching Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. For that one other person who hasn’t seen this internet masterpiece I’ll give a quick recap. Dr. Horrible, played by Neil Patrick Harris A.K.A Doggie Howser, is a wanna be super villain trying to make it big in the business of evil. The three act story that is "The Sing-Along Blog" follows the Doc trying to balance his evil profession with trying to get the girl of his dreams and tying defeat his arch-nemesis Captan Hammer.

My first Impressions

Honestly I don’t know what I was thinking, but I was thrown by the fact that there was singing through the entire movie. Yes the words sing along are in the title, but for some reason I wasn't prepared for it (yeah pretty stupid on my part). I wanted to turn it off after the first 2 minutes, but I’m glad I stuck it out. The Doc’s sing along blog is predictable and extremely campy, but I found myself captivated halfway through the 2nd act. I even liked some of the songs which I was horribly opposed to in first place.



Final Thoughts

I love Hulu (wait, what!) ummmm what I mean to say is thanks to Hulu you can watch all 3 acts rolled into one neat package with limited commercial breaks. If you want to watch it (and I know you do) just Click Here. If you haven’t seen Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog by now here’s your chance to redeem yourself, if you’ve already seen it why not watch it again? (can’t think of reason not to can you)

I’m giving Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog 4 maniacal MWAHAHAHAHAs out of 5